Monday, 14 March 2016

Pip and pop

The sugar dances
around in my ballet 
class as if it was a 
tornado.

I feel like a
dolphin diving into 
a sea full of 
sugar.

The sugar trees
stretch tall 
like a
sunflower.

The hills barrel around
the room with 
their crazy gold
hair.

What happened?
Was this a dream?
Do hills really twill around?

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My reflection

I think I went well because I asked others for some critique of how I could improve.
My next steps are to go ahead and ask 5-7 people for improvement ideas.
Here is the picture:




8 comments:

  1. I love the way you described the sugar as if it is a tornado in a ballet class. The way you described this made me feel like is was there, trudging through the sugar. Keep Writing!

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  2. Amazing poem Beth!
    When you say" I feel like a dolphin diving into a sea full of sugar."
    I can really imagine the different coloured sand all around making the sea more colourful. I love how you describe the hills with crazy golden hair.
    The question that you said at the end really brings everything together and makes you think was this all a dream or is this all a place that exists?

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  3. The detailed words you use really create a vivid image. I love how you say I fell like a Dolphin diving in to a sea full of sugar. Amazing poem Beth, from caitlyn πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‰

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  4. I loved how you said that the sugar was dancing around like a ballet dancer and how you said you felt like a dolphin diving into a sea of sugar over all I loved it great work��

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  5. Hi Beth your blog is great it gave me sugar rush because of the sugar in your story. It's great!!πŸ™‚πŸ˜˜πŸ˜πŸ˜‹

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  6. I loved all of the descriptive writing that you put in your writing and how you said that you felt like you were a dolphin diving into a sea of sugar

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  7. Wow Beth your blog post is so goodπŸ˜€ I love the detail you put into it. I really like the sentence that says The sugar trees stretch tall like a sunflower. It is my favourite sentence I might wright it in my bright sparks book and I love that you used lots of detail for your punctuation and your reflectionπŸ˜€πŸ˜„πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜€πŸ˜„πŸ˜Š

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